I've the utmost admiration for bloggers. How the hell these people can find the time to chronicle their ramblings and still do anything else is well beyond my mind. And whilst I admire them, I can't understand them. Its true - just devote 15 mins a night to whack it out so to speak, then all may well be good. But, from the heady days of 12 hours a day of radiation absorbtion, a junction has been reached in my life. I cannot bring myself to use the computer these days - i've spent the last 20 years stuck in front of one, trading what should have been a time of hedonistic promiscuity and rampant debauchery for the beginnings of RSI and a Jean De Florette style hunchback, and having to spend time on one now, apart from sneakily downloading some quality Yankee Doodle TV or doing a few emails just doesn't seem like a very productive use of the day. The natural fitness (level: prime) that I've reached over the past month seems to be seeping out of my fingers with every keypress.
However, it's Christmas day, I'm near the infamous Bridge over the River Kwai and I've just watched Season 4, Episode 4 & 5 (thats s04e04 if ya wanna do a search) of The OC, which has left me in an inspired mood, as with every episode of that show. Its a rare ep when a tear isn't shed by the end - and I don't care if you think I'm a pussy, a pop culture whore or just an American teen show junkie - I fuckin' luv it. And I make no apologies for that.
Right, so I was gonna detail every minutae of my time in Japan, Hong Kong and Thailand so far, crapping out individual posts, linking to salient information and adding photos, but I'm not gonna anymore. Maybe if i get thoroughly bored the posts will start flowing - we shall see. But, as with milk, i think the condensed form is the sweetest treat of all. Hear are my thoughts on the things I've seen, heard and felt over the last month. Plus, if i mix it about it a bit, with a few choice search terms I'm bound to get a few extra hits.
So, Japan. "Isn't it just fucking awesome?" i was rhetorically asked by a cute Californian (girl i hasten to add) yesterday who turned out was living there. Smart cookie. Oh yes - I can't believe how fucking awesome that place is. And I fully believe that no matter how weak the Yen is and how little you may go back home with after your stint there, those people Teaching English there are on to something pretty sweet. Aside from everyones fellative (if that's not a word, it should be) statements about Argentina, there can't be a better value country at the moment. I feel like I'm commiting some kind of mortal sin, as the few gaijin (foreigners) I met there implored me to keep this under my figurative hat, but its so good that I can't let this 10 year old utter bullshit myth about it being expensive keep on going. I certainly wish i hadn't taken any heed of it, as i'd probably still be there now. As an interesting holiday destination, the place is an absolute steal. If you were Japanese and went to England at the moment, you would be astonished at how much we're expected to pay for below par service, garnished with a scowl, and stuff they get back there for literally 1/4 of the price.
But it's doubtful they will, because the Japanese absolutely love their own country - and snap away with the gay abandon they do abroad at the sights on offer in their own backyard. Which is a lovely thing to see, and certainly a cultural aspect we would do well to adopt back home. After all, the UK is a beautiful place too, so its really sad that we back home don't appreciate what we have the what we have like they do here. There's very little foreign tourism in Japan - see the above myth for an explanation for this mystery - but dometic tourism seems to be doing sterling business.
And as a budget backpacker, its also tremendous - providing you've got a modicum of sense and can recognise the value you get from both the experience and culture of the country when you see it. A place not yet tainted by rampant and highly frustrating tourism. I've been suprised how many people run round with a tremendously blinkered perspective on this, just equating *everything* in terms of how cheap accomodation/food is in Thailand and Laos, and how everyone is so "nice" there. Fuck that. Anyway, I've got quite a few thoughts on this, so I'll talk more about this some other time....back on topic...
Osaka -
if you're going, stay in the Dotomburi area, if you wanna see the neon extravanganza that trust me, you do wanna see.
Eat a ridiculously large portion of Octopus balls for about $2. Let your bowels feel very, very loose in the morning. Here I stayed at a cheap Ryokan (really should have splurged a bit more), which is a traditional Japanese guest house and immediately made 3 critical faux pas:
1) Typified by the look absolute horror as i walked on the sacred floor with slippers he had just offered me. I have no idea what they could have been for
2) Attempting to enter the shared bath without showering first (I swear i had in my room, but the 90 year old Japanese guy forced me to go through the most rigorous cleaning routine of my life before letting me enter - then let his (probably 120 year old) mate go in after throwing a cup of hot water over himself and wiping himself with a rag.
3) Pressing the porn channel button on my remote, and ending up with pixellated oral sex on the box within 2 secs of entering. Fortunately, my kind host doesn't charge me 1000 yen for 2 secs viewing.
Yufuin (Kyushu) -
Yufuin is a stunning little town easily reached using the special "Yufuin No Mori Express" train from Hakata - a plush train which is a tourist attraction in itself.
It also has Onsen (hot spring) galore - this mixed one particularly being the scene of much excitement for a *gorgeous* Japanese girl when she saw my glorious form. Unfortunately, my view consisted of a 50 year old bloke with severe middle aged spread.
It also boasts the best youth hostel (the imaginatively named Yufuin Youth Hostel) I'm ever likely to stay in, which was basically a Ryokan with dorm rooms. And a man, who embarassingly gave me an umbrella and walked 1km to show me where a bridge was when it was pissing down when I all i asked was him to point in the right direction. Here I enjoyed a meal out with a bundle of Japanese folk, one of whom was purely using me to practice english in a way that left me feeling rather cheap, and a slightly stand offish chap who shared my Male Pattern Balding afflication and was being suitably ripped by the other guests. And some really great Japanese lads who wanted to discuss football, plied me with Saki and snacks and showed me a variant on chess that just involved using pawns. And which i'll gladly explain in further detail upon request.
Mt Aso - worlds largest caldera (crater) and active volcanoes. Check out my stunning view i got from the top (yeah, it was pissing down here too).
It was lovely to hear the hovis theme being played as I ascended the mountain too - took me way back to the time I was accused of eating a pillow on a school trip to Derbyshire by that bitch biology teacher Mrs Williams (so smart she saw Tigers in Africa) at Newmarket Upper School. And an 8 bed dorm room to myself. This evening I got into an unwantedly heated discussion about why the UK are still keeping a Nuclear deterrent when i mentioned that I was visiting Hiroshima next, a topic on which I really had no good answers. Also, I'm accused of being a rich bastard by a guy next to me when I say that him going on a track day round a full size circuit (not suzuka, but still all day) for 30 quid was utterly unbelievable, where I've paid the best part of 300 quid for 45 minutes once (ok i got to borrow a CBR600RR to do it, but still). Turns out this guy has an Mitsubshi EVO 9, which blows his accusation apart. Strangely he's single. On this topic I learn from a spanish (TEFL teacher) guy whose there that all Japanese is "a place to get married", as all the girls want out of life is their own gaijin lad (yep - even I'd do!) to be a slave off, and never ever under any circumstances come to Japan with a girl friend. Sound, sound advice I'm sure that has me considering extending my ticket immediately, and I hope his canadian girlfriend never reads this otherwise I guess he's in trouble.
Hiroshima - a lovely swiss girl along with her friends who were being shown round by a slightly power tripped, but very nice host from hospitalityclub, who enables me to turn my mind off for a few hours as I tag along to visit an atomic bomb museum which really made me quite upset, but was well worth it. It's unbelievable to think that countries still have a nuclear threat when you see the utter devastation caused by those two relatively tiny bombs. Here I commit a crime of fittingly hiroshima esque proportions and have a Big Mac. I pay for this by finding myself in the same room as a snoring twat who of course went to bed at 8:30pm each day and got up at 10:30am. If you every read this - sleep on your side you lazy, fat, ugly fuck! The most bizarre encounter of my time here comes courtesy of 3 american teenagers who, inexplicably, decide to start going "Chee chong chou" at a beautiful Japanese girl who tries to help them when they can't fill in the simplest of forms. Fortunately, my faith in the stars and stripes is restored when I meet another American who has an ability with the ladies that Style himself would admire and talks of finding his 'Spiritual Oneness'. Nice.
Miyajima -
offering a pretty easy trek up to an excellent view at the top of Mt Misen(supposedly, but when you've got my luck with the weather, and naturally, a tendency to go for dubious fashion choices over function, you're rewarded with this:
and this:
These little guys had the right idea though
Himeji -
A stunning castle, and for me, the opportunity to dine and flirt with an extremely cute, very giggly Korean nurse who i have yet to email. Here, I learn to curse my overplanning as i've already got my kyoto hostel booked and paid for when she's off to Kobe. Her next stop was the UK, where she was visiting London and Newcastle. I tried to send her to Bristol for you Craw.
Kyoto - Unbelivable temples:
Kizo-mizu - spent hours here and easily managed the love stones, where you've got to walk 10 meters with your eyes shut to find true love.
The stunning Golden Temple - I'd have made it a bit bigger though.
and an 8 berth dorm full of snorers and a great chap called Greg teaching english. And a lovely married girl with a name beginning with A who gave me 3 IOI's. An old guy here changed my ideas about what to do in New Zealand - his POV that buying a motorbike makes more sense than hiring one was thoroughly persuasive. And god am I getting withdrawl symptoms when I see roads here.
Nara - Brilliant place for a daytrip from Kyoto. I wanna live there now.
Rub the buddah's body part, rub your corresponding one - hey presto - all ailments cured. Check the guy rubbing the ass. I rubbed everywhere.
Nikko - Really nice - if you're offered a map by an old guy who jumps out at you as you enter the main park area, buy it - it's actually a really good guide even if it does look a bit dodgy.
Tokyo - After dumping my shit at the hostel I head straight for Shin-juku and immediately get offered a massage ("A Sex massage!" he immediately and obviously necessarily qualifies it by - who'd have thought it!). Then I meet someone else:
17 year old pimp - "Hey - you wanna fuck Japanese girl?"
Me: "Yes."
17 year old pimp - "Let me show you photo..."
Me: - "Sorry mate - it's always been a personal ambition, but I'd like to achieve that goal without paying for it"
17 year old pimp - "Cheeaap - 20000 yen."
(shows me photo of stunning Japanese girl - I question my moral stance for a split second)
Me: - "Fuck me - that is cheap - regretfully, same answer".
I chat away to the guy, and he tells me that most of his biz comes from foreign tourists, and honestly, after what i've heard now in Thailand from the veritable horses mouths, it seems that a shit load of blokes take them up on the offers. Maybe I'm just a prudish, overly moral prick but I can't get my head round the fact that by paying for it, there's:
1) No point - I want her to like me, and if that's not there, then why bother?
2) No challenge - and I'm all about that.
Still - where's this ever got me?!
No such qualms here (possibly) - I'll be back later my lover - just popping out for a beer with the lads.
Later that night whilst i was having a quiet drink when a herd of businessmen stumbled over and started asking me questions and, once again, plying me with drinks. Turns out I had just stumbled upon after work drinks (finish time 10pm) with the head of the Sapporo beer corporation, who owned the Irish Pub I was in. This guy's gotto be worth a $100 mill at least. They were all great lads, and gave me some excellent advice on what to see etc. Turned out to be a bit of an insight into what working in Japan must be like - it's expected that you go out with the boss drinking every night - family or no family. And when he leaves, you leave. Pretty harsh, but that's big city life Japan style for ya.
Met a stunning English girl by the name of Felicity (the name says it all - I love girls with that sorta name - for instance, say, Harriet). Annoyed she is off to china the next morning. Oh - but she lives in Perth, WA, but will be there after i've gone. Damn that overplanning.
No trip to Tokyo would be complete without seeing what ageing self-obsessed weirdo (hey aren't we all) Gwen Stefani was making all the fuss about. And yes, those Harajuku girls are still pull in the crowds.
And then the Harajuku girls at jinju-bashi on a sunday. Full of the seediest photographers snapping away.
Compared to London, a city that's of a similar size as well, you can walk around Tokyo late at night and just know that nothing will happen, rather than getting that slight sense in the back of your mind that you should keep your wits about you. There's zero (apparent) crime, and people are so honest that if you drop a 10000 (50 quid) yen note, or leave your wallet in a store (i did both), you've only got to turn round outside the store to find someone running after you with it.
Tokyo by night. Go ahead - lord it round, no-one's gonna club you for your wallet.
The shink - what can one say about this invention. Hideously efficient, ridiculously fast and luxuriously spacious. And i should talk about the service too - the staff on trains bow every time they enter and exit a carriage, it's quite incredible how polite the people are here. Plus i love the way that if you mess up buying a ticket, you pay a fare adjustment here - and aren't fined for a mistake like back at home - imagine that...
Here's a piccy:
Hikari Shinkansen - the most bullet like, if not the sleekest of ths shinks. Tokyo to Osaka (550k ish) in 3 sweet hours.
And as a bonus, on the Tokyo - Osaka leg you get a pretty good view of Mount Fuji.
Its a beaut.
So yeah, In the two weeks i was there, the last thing i wanted to do was spend time on a computer. Indeed - there was one aspect of japanese technology that made it all but impossible to even contemplate doing this. The space bar is a space key. Ah - Some chap's taken a photo - here's a link to his site, which i haven't actually checked out, but it seems the courteous thing to do.
However, this is the one blight on a stay that in all other respects exceeded any expectations I could have had. Japan is, to use an overused member of my vocabulary, fabulous.
