Thailand
So here I was in the heart of backpacker land - cheap, laid back, blissful days roll by in a haze. The land of smiles. Where if you're lugging round your shit on your back, as opposed to rolling it along in a suitcase you're not a tourist, but a traveller. Only, I think the locals see it rather differently - and it's therefore the perfect place for me to go off on one about the sub-culture of the so called traveller.
But first, lets get the touristy stuff out of the way.
There's two sides to Thailand (there may be more, but we'll talk from my blinkered black and white view), so I'm going to break down my thoughts separately.
1) the Good:
Visuals - God, its an extremely beautiful place. It's like scenic porn in places. Like I guess most of Asia, Africa, South America etc must be that makes you realise how lucky you are to be able to go and visit there when the vast majority of local people here work for amounts that in terms of global buying power is absolutely Jack Shit.
Cuisine - The local food is stunning and cheap, although no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get a dish hot enough to blow my head off, despite my protestations to any waiter/waitress that I have indeed been blessed with an aspestos lined mouth, capable of handling any amount of spice you're prepared to throw at me. A meals not a meal unless I'm dripping in my own sweat after consuming it. I want warnings on my food that tell me to avoid contact with skin. Chili powder is like a cheap high for me. By the way, if you ever want to buy me a present - number one on this list would be very gratefully received.
2) The bad
The hassle during the day - Walking genuinely is a foreign concept over here as you can't seem to take 2 steps without being accosted by a tuk-tuk/taxi/motorbike wanting to take me 10 metres down the road - "Where you go? - You walk? Ohhhh no that very far - i take you - 70 baht". And the traffic in the cities, my god. People blame the yanks for their insatiable fuel consumption, and there's no doubt that's true. But when you look at the amount of vehicles in Bangkok (and most of Asia), and the distinct lack of pedestrians, you'd have to conclude that they're also doing their level best to wipe out the world's remaining oil supplies too. I honestly can't believe we haven't run out already.
Unwanted advice/scams - this was an absolute constant in any city. I think I damaged my ears and accentuated my stoop even further as the only way to get away from it seems to be to stick in headphones and look at the floor. And special mention to the woman in the TAT office who told me that I literally "have" to book everything through her, as its peak season and if I show up at the train station or any hostel, there will be no room anywhere. Obviously bullshit, but when I politely told her "I need a bit of time to think about it" she literally told me to fuck off and stop wasting her time. All I went in for was to buy a map.
Charging "foreigner" prices - to get into places like National Parks just doesn't seem right (though I've now seen it in Australia too, though less frequently) - or at least it isn't done in a fair way. But I do feel unbelievably lucky that I can do a trip like this - it's something that most people living in these countries could never do, which is really upsetting, so I guess a few extra pounds spent here and there is OK. So yes, if you want to do anything else apart from eat, sleep and sunbathe, it'll cost ya quite a bit here - certainly proportionally to everything else it seems like a fortune. Hell, if you do just wanna do that though, its faultless!
Bangkok -
Now here's the wierd thing. By the time I had been there twice, I liked Bangkok a lot. Once I learnt to embrace the hassle during the day, I really did love the grimy, seedy nature of this place, and although my prudish, moralistic core values ensure I'd never indulge in any of the "extra curricular activities" on offer myself, I find it fascinating that so many people do. And it seems like the done thing with very little embarassment. It's incredible the number of blokes here who've sampled the Thai delights, and thats the younger chaps. There's clearly no such problem with the older generation visiting here - who are here for one purpose and one purpose only. And they do it with sugh flagrant relish that the jaw just drops. I guess the other reason I liked it was the fact I met the girls I had been dreaming of - yep - Finnish! I think i must have nearly exploded when the lovely Polina told me where she was from, certainly judging from the reaction of the two other chaps who were there. And I'm sort of disappointed in myself I didn't go down to the islands with her too.
I'm always up for a bit of sprawling on a bench - so was this lazy git at the golden mount.
You'll get a lot of Tuk-Tuk drivers, 'helpful' locals and dodgy geezers all telling you every place is shut. Wat Po is probably the highlight temple of Bangkok, at least for me. Here's the reclining buddah, plus Hilary Swank circa "Boys don't Cry'.
Lopburi -
Famed for its proliferation of Monkey's, Lopburi makes an easy stop over on the way up to Chiang Mai. Except there didn't seem to be any good places to eat open the night I was there, forcing me to go to KFC.
Sukothai -
I only spent a night here, and can't remember very much about it except for the fact I got a pillion ride (sadly not slang for doing the nasty, which i guess is slang itself, but a lift on the back of a motorbike for those of you not in the know) of a hot Thai chick.
Chiang Mai -
The hostel owner, Pong at Spicy Thai backpackers is a lovely chap, and the place is plush as hell. Stay there. The only thing I would tell you is don't get stuck with a lazy indian girl who decides to shadow you, and demands to be chauffer driven on a trek, probably in case she get's tanned further ("Cos then I won't look beautiful"). I also experienced the rare joy of a Thai massage on this trek, which leaves you feeling worse then when you started, after having your hamstrings forced to an extent that leaves me with a newfound respect for little Michael Owen, given his problems.
I'm disgusted with myself. I had learned in Goa last year that elephant rides are probably the best thing you can do if you have a desire to feel like killing yourself from extreme guilt afterwards. It was part of the trek, which I wouldn't have booked if i had known that this was to be on it. But once there I thought, hell maybe it won't be as bad. It was. I wanted to grab the elephant handlers stick, beat him over the head with it, whip the backs of his legs and then stuff it so far up his arse it would provide him with a new rod for his gullet, but I was restrained by the aforementioned girl who seemed to enjoy cruelty. Still, that's Jake, who I met there too in the photo - a great lad who also was trying to escape the clutches of this ignorant, awful excuse for a person, so at least we both had some decent company (i hope!).
Still, did get some nice scenery when we did get to walk all of 100 meters.
Katchanaburi -
Ah, the infamous Bridge over river Kwai. Well worth visiting the museum here, to get a completely different perspective on the 2nd world war. The Hiroshima peace museum, whilst undoubtedly very, very moving and entirely correct in showing the fact that a nuke should never be used, hadn't given me enough background on what Japan's actual tactics were in the 2nd World War. This did, and the bridge is one of the results of the appauling treatment of people all over this region, which is why some innocuous bridge is so famous. Whilst here, I met a couple of English girls with a really weird plan for their 5 months in South East Asia - spend 4 days out of 5 in the guesthouse/hostel, and ration themselves to one day out a week. It's curious how some people's brain works. However, they were both gorgeous and quite sound apart from their tendency to procrastinate, so I'll let them off.
Here's one for the lads, seeing as I got complaints for having no pictures of women last time. Some russian girl contemplating another dip in number 3 of 7 splash pools at the Erawan Waterfall. Stunning scenery.
And here's number 5 I think.
Hua Hin -
I had planned to stop off somewhere else, but, after 6 hours on the bus that day, my back decided against it. this incredibly touristy little seaside town didn't really appeal - although the free pool at the place I stayed for the night certainly did.
Krabi
on the way down here it was an 8 hours bus ride, with all 3 Thai dubbed Fast n' the furious films on show, and some guys birthday meaning they force fed me whisky and dried insects. Supeer! Only spent a night here, and met a really nice, but taken girl from Melbourne with whom I subsequently went to...
Hat Ton Sai -
Which is a world class climbers beach. I did a little bit, but had most fun when going for a bit of a climb myself on the free ropes between Railay East and West, down to the lagoon. Here i scratched up my eye pretty damn badly whilst wearing contacts on the beach - giving myself a self diagnosed corneal abrasion. Hung out for a while with some great Kiwi guys who liked a toke, but naturally I didn't indulge at all. I also spent New Years eve chatting up a Canadian girl who was rightly enchanted with the beauty of the place, and with my sterling conversational skills. That was of course, until some gorgeous (well, he was!) Aussie climber bloke came along and stole her away - and I couldn't dispute his skills were exceptional. Oh well, my optical concerns still left me with a unique fireworks display to wonder at - every flare had a halo and every explosion looked like loads of glistening stars, so I was satisfied that I got a pretty outstanding show too.
This place was too pretty. Here's some old school beach farming.
It's pretty damn difficult to take a bad photo.
Ton sai again
Trang -
Stopped off here on the way down to Malaysia, and it reminded me of newmarket. Went to visit the eye doctor here - a lovely chap who was highly impressed with my powers of self diagnosis. All good now by the way. Also met a guy who had become addicted to the sex tourism industry - poor bastard just couldn't resist and he spent the whole evening dithering over what to do, how he just can't stop and using me as a sounding board to try and convince himself not to give in again. Later that night, his dick won.
So, its weird. I spent a month here, overall had an excellent time, but I left with the nagging feeling I'd been a bit ripped off. According to my bank statements, I've just worked out I've spent about 1300 baht (about 20 quid) per day. Most people I know are attempting to survive on about 700. Now, from observation there's no doubt I have the appetite of at least 5 gap year students combined - I don't go skimping on the food. So i've been spending similar amounts of cash as in Japan - which when you think about the way this place is lauded as the ultimate (cheap) backpacker destination, is a complete joke.
So back to traveller culture. But maybe not as much as I could write. I was gonna do that, I really felt like ranting so much when I was actually in Thailand, thanks to people that you meet there who seem to think they're on a voyage of spiritual enlightenment. And when you point out that:
1) Everything's set up for you here - the whole country is Tourism.
2) The majority of the locals speak pretty good English if you have some patience and unclog your ears for the response. Patronising them with attempts at Thai, and looking bewildered at the response is just pointless.
3) On any of the islands and beaches, apart from the fact you're sleeping in a hut, it's still a holiday resort.
You get a look of disdain. "Travellers are different - we appreciate and get engrossed in the culture more, living like the locals", or some such bollocks. Ok, maybe, but only on a very, very shallow level. You're not living in poverty. Every night you and everyone else goes back to a reasonably plush room really well fed. Don't try and convince me otherwise when you're having a spliff and a drink that you have a profound understanding of these people's lives! I'm not going to agree even if I do want to bone you. Drinking, smoking and shagging your way round the world for a bit, if that's what you're doing, is a perfectly acceptable lifestyle choice, just admit to it! Fuck, if someone had had a little word in my ear when I was 21, just been made redundant that I might as well go and do that rather than spending 7 months looking for another programming job, I'd have been eternally grateful. And life might have been very different now.
But instead, I'm a really lucky 28 year old git who decided to take a year or so off to go on a bit of a walkabout, and not worry about work. I'll have a little think about what I want to do with my life from time to time (mechanic, writer, counsellor, maybe a programmer), read books, contemplate writing a cheesy house track to make a fast million, and see a lot of interesting stuff and meet a lot of great people. At least, that's what I've done so far.
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1 comment:
Love your very honest, candid and frank "traveller" accounts. Look forward to your next post.
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